Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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