Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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