He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
