i think my tv is drunk
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
