Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
