No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
bring money and cleavage
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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