her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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