So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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