I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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