Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
nutella sex= disaster
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
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I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So squirting runs in the family.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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