Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
wow bdsm is so cute
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize