Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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