if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Two words: nipple clamps
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