How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
