Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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