my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
