I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
