We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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