:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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