Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
