I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
