id be glad to
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
