he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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