the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
