i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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