shes about as inviting as chlamydia
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
