john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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