Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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