i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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