proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
