Where is the hickey?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
