Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
