Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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