plz talk dirty to me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
