dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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