Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
