He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
