Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
