I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
