TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
