turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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