the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your penis caused this!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
