do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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