My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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