help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
