I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
