God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
