I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
