I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
