I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
