I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
