I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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