I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i will never coherently bang her
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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