I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
