There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
