YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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