Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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