sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
