u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
