Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
