WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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