did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
