sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
