My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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