I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
