Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
