someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
either way he was missing a nipple.
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Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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