It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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