I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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