How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
