Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
