Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just pee around me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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